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As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.~Marianne Williamson

In my mere forty years of experience on this wonderful planet of ours, I have come to realize many important (and not so important) things. For example, I have never really been one to get huge amounts of satisfaction from housework or spending my days at home.

Respect to those who do, it’s just not me. So, once my children were at school, I saw very quickly that a life without a career was not for me. As I love to share experiences and knowledge, I then realized that the world of education was the one I was meant for, and I became a teacher.

All of this is important — it has led me to do what I do, but it is being a mom that has led me to the most profound of realizations. You see, I was telling my children to be confident, to have faith in their decisions, to not let others affect how they think of themselves, when I suddenly recognized that I was guilty of doing the opposite.

• I was not confident.
• I did not have much faith in my decisions.
• I did let others affect how I thought about myself.

My words were just words. I understood that my children would not learn from what I said unless I backed it up with what I did. I had to understand why I was not practicing what I was preaching. After all — I believed in it. I would never tell my children anything other than what I truly believe would bring happiness. So what was going wrong?

Fear or Love?

I began to read books and articles, and after some time I discovered the answer: Everything we do stems from either love or fear.

The problem was I was choosing to be consumed with fear.

• I feared that I did not shape up as a mother.
• I feared that I was not the best teacher I could be.
• I feared that the wonderful love I share with my husband might not last forever.

Although I never said any of this out loud (it was just my internal dialogue), I realized that my insecurities were clear in my behaviour. I was not happy. I had so much to be happy about, but I did not truly feel it.

I was not available emotionally, at least not to full capacity. My light was flickering rather than shining because I had been choosing fear. I had to change it to love and I had to figure out how.

Although this was not an overnight process, I became aware of my thought patterns and I changed them; the results have been like striking gold. Therefore, my advice is this: In every moment, do not choose fear, choose love.

What Does This Look Like?

• Set Yourself Up. Start the day with five minutes of “thinking time.” Remind yourself that throughout the day you need to question your intentions before you act. Think of all of the people who make it easy for you to feel love and all that you feel grateful for. This will make you smile; it gives you a cosmic hug. It sets you up for a good day, every day.
• Ask Questions. Regularly remind yourself that you are in control of your thoughts and feelings. No one else. Question your thoughts — don’t just accept the first ones you have.
• Act with Understanding. If you feel bad, you have most likely picked a fear-based response to something or someone — question it and change it. Wait a moment, and choose to react from a place of love and understanding, not from one of judgement.
• Everything Changes. Remember that a mood is not permanent. If you feel out of sorts, it will not last forever. Do whatever you need to do to make you smile again. Think of those you love. Extend love to those around you. It can’t fail to make you feel better.
• Be Compassionate with You. Tell yourself you are enough. If you can’t do this without believing it, take action. Do what you need to do so that you can believe it, but be compassionate with yourself. Focus on how far you have come, not how far you still need to go.
• Focus on What Inspires. Try to not watch too much news. It focuses too much on the negative. Instead, read something that inspires you, or listen to someone who you admire (this could be on the television; it does not have to be face-to-face). Websites such as this one and self-help books can be a real tonic. Dip into them regularly and take from them what you need.
• End with Gratitude. Finish the day with the same thoughts you started it with. Pick out all of the good in your day and say a silent thank you for it. Make sure the last thoughts you have are ones that come from a place of love.

Why Choose Love?

You are the star of your own life — just as I am the star of mine and our brothers and sisters are the stars of theirs. And here’s the thing: We are not all that different, not really.

Essentially, we all crave the same thing — love and acceptance. We just make the mistake of thinking we have to look for it in someone else when, really, the only person we need to find it in is ourselves.

Once we do that, everything falls into place; we are in our lane. If we think of life as a race, the winners are those who stay in their lane, who train, who are focused on what really matters, who are not looking around at anyone else.

It is these people who naturally attract others, who bring success to everything that they touch. Why? Because they have chosen love — love for themselves and a love for the lane they are in.

This then spills out into everything else. We can all do this. We simply need to recognize when fear is present in our lives and practice replacing it with love until it no longer requires practice.

It is then that others see our true light and can be guided by it. It is then that we feel truly happy.

Never, ever underestimate the importance of having fun.~Randy Pausch

A few months back I went to a friend’s birthday party. We grilled, chatted and played board games, among other things. When I returned home, I said to my husband, “I had so much fun tonight!” I was sort of stunned by the fact for days.

What struck me was that I had spent years before going to parties, hanging out with people and spending time on my own without having fun. If I looked back, most of the time I was supposed to be having a good time, I was worrying about something I’d done wrong or how I’d get something done later. It was a rough way to live.

It was when I started my own business that I understood this habit I had. I had no idea how to live in the present moment. And when you’ve just invested your time, energy and cash into a business you don’t know will work, it’s nice to have an outlet. I finally realized I needed to find a few I could lose myself in.

I’m fairly certain I’m not the only one who struggles to have fun in the way we’re meant to — losing yourself in the moment, laughing until your stomach hurts or just feeling so content you haven’t looked at a clock in hours.

I think, sadly, many of us never learn how to do this as children. Our lives may have been filled with chaos or been too rigorously scheduled.

Whatever the case, as adults we have the power to change how we spend our time and how we feel about it. Here’s how I found the courage to buy crayons and spend all afternoon coloring, just because.

1. Find the Fun

The first thing you need to do is figure out what it is that you enjoy. This might sound silly, but when I first realized I didn’t know how to play, it also dawned on me that I didn’t know where to start either.

• So I went to the toy store.
• And the art supply shop.
• And the kids section in the library.

Going to where kids spend time and seeing what appeals to you can really get your juices flowing. I’m not suggesting you go buy out the toy store or anything. Just take a notepad and write down what looks like fun to you.

If you want, of course, grab something right away. There are no hard and fast rules. The first time I did this, I left with sidewalk chalk.

But the idea here is to get out of your comfort zone and see what new things there are to enjoy. For me, I would always lose myself in reading. That was one hobby I did enjoy. But I had no idea how many other fun things there were to do, and I wouldn’t have had the courage to try without some of the drawing books I found.

You can also think back to some of the things you enjoyed when you were little, if you were able to play as a child. Get together a big list from your memories, your field trip to the shops and parks, and get ready to start playing.

2. Put a Time on the Calendar

This might sound ridiculous. Who needs to schedule time to play? The answer? The very people who don’t play enough. For me, I would schedule a few hours every Saturday afternoon. This way I knew that I wouldn’t schedule anything during that time, and it would remind me to actually play.

Because honestly, if you’re anything like me, you will probably resist this a bit. You will want to continue getting your weekend chores done because they’re “kind of like play.”

Riiiiiight. I know loads of 5-year-olds who would rather paint the bathroom on a sunny day than play in the dirt outside.

This time is a commitment to yourself. Learning to play will relieve stress and open doors of creativity you never thought possible. It will make you a better person.

But that’s not why we’re doing it, right? We’re doing it because playing is awesome, and just because you’re grown up doesn’t mean you have to be serious all the time.

3. Start Playing & Stop Judging

Now that you’re about 20 minutes into your first play session as a grown up, you’re probably having some doubts about why you’re doing this. You might be afraid someone will see you. I know I certainly felt that way when I sat outside in our driveway with a bucket of sidewalk chalk drawing suns and flowers.

But that’s just you judging yourself. If anything, you’re inspiring those people. Everyone I ran into that day had some version of “Oh that looks like fun.” When I bought a coloring book, the lady at the store told me she missed colorin,g and a big smile appeared on her face when she heard I was buying the crayons for myself.

Keep playing. Let go of time and just enjoy your activity. If you’re not having fun, pull out your list and try something else. And keep adding to the list as you go. If something looks like fun, try it. If the swings at the park are calling your name and you don’t have five minutes to jump on now — on the list it goes.

And just because you want to try something doesn’t mean you have to commit to it or be good at it. Let go of your critic. Right now, let your inner-elementary-schooler out.

4. Invite Others After a Few Weeks

Fun is not something to hole up with all by yourself. It’s mean to be shared. That’s part of what fun is.

Of course, I’m an introvert, so sometimes I like being on my own having fun, but more often I enjoy drawing and going to the art shop with friends. It sparks creativity and generates new ideas. More than that, you can hold each other accountable.

I suggest waiting a few weeks because you want to know for yourself what you enjoy doing and what you’d rather skip. Also, it also gives you time to hear and deal with your own inner critic. This way, when you’re with your friends, you can talk about it and share notes on what yours says and how they deal with things.

There is something so joyful about creating something together, even if it’s just a papier-mâché ball you put together in an afternoon. Having fun together builds friendships and other relationships as well — trust comes easier.

Conversations can get deep while you’re finger painting, after all. And all of this teaches you how to live in the moment and have fun while you’re doing other “adult” things.

—

I am still learning new things about what I find fun. Some friends and I have a video project planned when the weather turns. We’ll have to rent a jet-ski, which sounds like a good time all by itself.

I like to think that because of learning to play, I’ve learned to make friends more easily and feel more comfortable being myself. I know for sure though, that by allowing my inner child back into the picture, I feel more complete — more integrated. And that is all sorts of awesome, no matter what age you are.

A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.~Christopher Reeve

What makes us love Harry Potter or most action movies? Why do we always cheer for the good guys? Why do we love a good story of challenge, perseverance and triumph?

Why makes these stories timeless?

The story of the hero has not changed for thousands of years. Since ancient times our traditions and culture venerate the myth of the hero on a mission. A hero leaves his or her home, faces challenges, triumphs and usually returns home as a changed man or women.

In 1990 the late American writer and intellectual Joseph Campbell wrote of the hero’s journey — the mythological journey that all men and women go through in life. He believed that the highest purpose in life was to complete this journey like some mythological voyage.

A hero is without shape and beyond time; the human need for heroes transcends all cultures.

The Need For a Story

What makes a hero unforgettable is not their strength but rather their will. We admire their ability to transcend defeat and persevere. When we watch them we temporarily become them. We live vicariously through them. This is the lure of sports — an average person can experience the glory of the players.

What makes a hero so undefeatable? What makes him stand up after being knocked down a hundred times? The answer is simple. A story. Not just any story, but one that involves a deeply personal path that the individual walks alone.

It may be a story that his or her grandparents told them while sitting around the fire or one a mentor once inspired in them or perhaps it’s the result of some deeply powerful event.

Regardless of the medium, the story has been absorbed deep into the hero. The ups and downs of his/her adventure are not seen as separate events but rather as parts of one whole.

Like a beautiful cloth the ups and downs of the journey weave together to form his life.

This is real motivation — motivation that sees past the failures and successes to some grander purpose of life.

Each goal, each step, each time you fall down is seen within a bigger context. Like seeing the forest in its beautiful entirety, a hero doesn’t focus on the individual trees and plants.

 Focus Rather Than Reaction

When we look at the bigger picture of our lives, we see the highs and lows as part of the journey. We avoid myopically focusing on separate goals and focusing our attention on a million different tasks. Instead of just reacting to events, we keep our focus.

To be honest, I have stumbled for the majority of my life looking for real motivation — one that lasts. I have jumped from goal to goal like a series of unsuccessful college romances.

My goals have served me well, but my direction hasn’t remained consistent.

It wasn’t until I questioned what was MOST important for me that my story became more well-defined. I wanted to do too many things in life. I can’t be the hero of my own story if I am trying to do everything and do nothing at the same time.

So I defined it.

How to Find Your Story

The first step is defining what is most important is focusing on what you want and cut out the rest. This clarity came to me in the form of a yellow legal pad and twenty-five well-thought-out things I wanted in life.

These were my goals, my dreams and my desires. I had a lot but I could only pick five. Doing this focused my attention and my life on the few things I really wanted. It allowed me to regain my purpose without feeling scattered like I did before.

Deciding which five things were the most important for me and physically writing them down acted as an affirmation of my own values. I put them on my wall to remind me.

The most powerful change always comes from the simplest things.

The exercise in priorities was not my trick but rather Warren Buffet’s. Buffet recommended this to his pilot who was struggling with what to do with his life. He advised him that the secret to ruthless determination is to collect your focus and only invest it into several dreams. Do not disperse it among twenty.

The moral of the story is that if you want motivation that transcends the individual goals and to-do lists, one that unites them all together in a greater purpose, you must define your story.

You are already a hero. You just need to create your story and live it.

1. Focus Your Energy

Use the exercise above. Using pen and paper or computer, write twenty-five things you want in life. Pick five. Set aside some time, an hour or so, to do this. You don’t want to be distracted.

You now have two lists — one to focus all your energy on and one to avoid. Put your lists on your wall in a place you can see them daily.

2. Embark on the Journey

This is both exciting and scary. Don’t start tomorrow. Start now. Like literally NOW.

• Want a blog? Sign up for one now.
• Longing to travel abroad? Go today to get your passport.
• Interested in becoming a photographer? Sign up for a class today.

There is no perfect time. Starting is the first step of the journey. Write down your goals. I break mine into yearly, every three months and weekly.

3. Battle Monsters

Happiness is a by-product of meaningful experience. It cannot be directly pursued, and if it is it won’t last.

Instead challenge yourself to battle the monsters in your life. Know that failure is part of the process.

4. The Hero Returns

The hero always returns home wiser and better. Reflect on your journey and share it with others. Nothing in life is as worthwhile as sharing with others.

Our modern world, with all the amazing progress and technology, has forgotten many of our roots. Modernity has slowly annexed the role of tradition.

As our world becomes more integrated, it becomes easier to forget our individual relationship with life.

We increasingly look outside for motivation. We love quotes and uplifting speeches, but rarely do we turn our attention inward and see that true motivation lies in your own story.

Define what you truly want in life and reclaim your motivation.